Tuesday, April 5, 2011

4.4.11 Wardrobe Malfunction

We haven't really found any new clothes for me yet. I am, admittedly, difficult to please. I prefer pants with pockets on the thighs (cargo, carpenter, or otherwise), I won't wear jeans, and after wearing kilts daily for several years, I try to avoid any clothing that requires ironing. On top, I favor t-shirts with slightly offensive slogans (inappropriate for teaching) or short-sleeved button-ups that don't need to be tucked in. All of this must be in black (or rarely, charcoal grey). Add to this my stevedorian bulk, generally rectangular frame, and consistent lack of funding, and you have a serious wardrobe challenge.

To make matters worse, I have this hazy idea of how I want to look, but thus far, no outfit I have ever assembled has hit it. In my mind's eye I am well dressed, in dark, dangerous, tactically able yet romantic clothing. If it were up to me, I would just order an appropriately sized version of Michael Wincott's Comte de Rochefort wardrobe, but rapiers are strictly forbidden in South Korea without the proper permits. 

I have accepted the fact that rather than looking like the Cardinal Richelieu's strong right arm, I am doomed to look like the front man of a plus-size psychobilly band. Perhaps I should get some pomade and start working on my pompadour. I need more tattoos featuring dice and hot rods as well. Too bad I just sold my black hollowbody...

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